*Based on my recent viewing of Top of the Lake, I think Hanna might feel right at home ‘round those parts, what with the missing girl, the maybe-murder, the creepy people, the sexy times, and the cryptic messages from someone who goes by initials instead of a name. Plus, I had to dock a few points for the whole “taking a job from someone who still makes fun of Hanna for being a chubby preteen” thing. But I don’t think that’s what Ashley would want. 1 spot just for the face she makes behind her daughter’s back when Hanna says her reason for not going to Australia* is that “the water runs backwards there”? Of course. Ashley Marin (last episode: not ranked)Ĭould I have put Ashley at the No. Hanna: I’ve been thinking and I have a theory. Also, she watches Mythbusters.īest exchange of the week is, appropriately enough, this back and forth between the No. But, like many a great fictional bitch before her - see also: Blair Waldorf, Scarlett O’Hara, Mellie Grant, Ursula from The Little Mermaid - Spencer is a stone-cold killer, and if it weren’t for her, nothing would ever get done. Anytime any other person gets their sleuth on, she is as dismissive as humanly possible. Everybody else is all “Gosh, I have so many feelings,” and Spencer shuts it down: “We can figure out how we feel about it later.” BOOM. Spencer, as per usual, begins the episode as the voice of reason. (The blue breakup pants: harem pants? Ill-fitting trousers? Unclear.) For this, she wins the day. And she only made one really atrocious fashion choice. She thinks it’s pronounced “gayz-bo.” But she suffers and she rallies. I’m not saying our girl Hanna scored a perfect ten this episode. And despite being underestimated by virtually everyone around her, Hanna rises to the occasion: stealing Ali’s diary from A’s lair, not letting Caleb off the hook for his vague “I made multiple promises to people” bullshit, and having the greatest mom in Rosewood. She makes an effort at a fur collar fashion statement that’s all very American Hustle. Hanna catches everyone off guard by having it together even when so much of her life is falling apart.
So who made it to the top of the Pretty Little Power Rankings in this plot-packed winter premiere? That’s just not Ali’s style, okay? As Caleb would say approximately 10 million times, it’s complicated. Someone buried her in the backyard, and then Grunwald dug her up, and now she’s afraid to come back to Rosewood, but apparently not quite so afraid that she’ll just tell the Liars what they need to know in a coherent way so that she can find peaceful enjoyment among the living. Everyone was so sassy last night! A reminder of where we left off after that bizarro and disappointing Halloween special: Ali is alive. There’s only one way to get through the Poehler Vortex, and that is with an episode of Pretty Little Liars this heated.
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